like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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