It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
