so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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