For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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