the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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