Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
