Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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