How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I believe in your delicious
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
