you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dignity is for republicans.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My dick has a subreddit
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
