Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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