Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
