What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
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I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
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is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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