Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Do vagina's smell?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
