Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
