i just sent this text using only my big toe
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
