I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
