sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
