my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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