My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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