You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
