I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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