I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
