whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
