Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
