I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
