Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
