Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
