It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Boobs speak an international language.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I have fence marks all over my body
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
