they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
