So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
