I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
