Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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