Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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