Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
