We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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