The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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