he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
