she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
