I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize