Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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