when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
