The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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