dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
