went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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