I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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