I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This is the high leading the old right now
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
