It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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