I just pynch a tree in the face
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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