The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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