do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize