Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize