so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
