I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
