i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Operation Purity has been aborted
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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