Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
