He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
