i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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