mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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