i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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