i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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