oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
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For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
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Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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