who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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