I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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