I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
People in love make me want to vomit
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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