what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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