Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
