Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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