their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
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Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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