Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
