i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr