She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
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when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
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It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH