I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.