I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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