I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
