I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
