my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
