mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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