Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
