why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
