youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
