You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
