I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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