if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize