So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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