Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
