What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
