Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
